The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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