So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
