non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
