OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
