As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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