im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
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Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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