Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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