Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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