I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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