Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just had sex on a roof
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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