we're blogging at a bar
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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