Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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