I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
