sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
