we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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