Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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