I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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