Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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