Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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