I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
