I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
