I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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