he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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