i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
