used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
