Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
