I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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