I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
