does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
