Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
