Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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