Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
