I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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