I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
