Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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