Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I still have a little drunk in my system
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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