so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
