hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
