I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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