If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
