dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
