just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
