I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
