well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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