remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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