Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
