It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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