I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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