so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
