I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
