She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
