woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So vagazzling was a success
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
