mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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