I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
