Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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