Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
