Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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