im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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