I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
