The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
