She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
