You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
