I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
