Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
