mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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