im having a threesome with these popsicles
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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