I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
