i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
