I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
