The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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