dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am naked and annoyed.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
