my room smells like sperm. sweet.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In other news, I just burned my penis
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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