You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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