I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
