i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
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This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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