yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
