if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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