New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
