wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
