question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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