I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
