Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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