he puts the penis in happiness.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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