i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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